Gone But Never Forgotten

In the days before John's passing he was in a terrible amount of pain. His body could no longer fight off the aggressive nature his cancer possessed, so when he finally let go and was no longer suffering, I was extremely grateful that John was surrounded by so many people that deeply loved him.

It has been just over a month since John passed away, but time no longer has the same meaning that it use to.  All I know is that each day since, has just been one more day that we no longer have with him. And while it is still difficult to believe that he is really gone, everything about John remains present and alive in our home. It is as if he went on some extended vacation while the boys and I were left behind to wait for his eventual return. Of course that is not the case and it is still very painful to go to bed each night and awaken each day to that harsh reality. The unfairness of John's illness and the future that he no longer has because of it, will be something I will never be able to understand. Grief is an inexpicable feeling, it takes a hold of you like nothing you've ever felt and in many instances it literally stops you in your tracks and knocks you off your feet. It is like a series of waves that come at you in succession, only allowing you to get your head above water just enough to take a much needed breath before the next swell builds and rises above you. However, even on the days where you feel like you are drowning in sorrow, life continues all around us so we cannot help but get up, put one foot infront of the other and move forward, John would not have wanted it any other way!  

Since John's passing, the boys and I have been very fortunate to have been surrounded by our family and friends. Their support has lifted our spirits and allowed us to honor and celebrate John each and everyday. It is amazing what people will do for you in times of great loss, and it is equally touching to see how loss allows the love people have for one another to truly shine through.

This blog I have created about "Our Stories of John" is my attempt to share with you not only my stories about John, but also your stories about him too. I would love for Jack, Hunter and Cole to have an opportunity to read some of the things their dad would have enjoyed telling them himself (and maybe some of the things that he may not have wanted to share). If for any other reason, I hope to keep John's spirit alive and well in the hearts and minds of all who love and miss him!
We miss him everday!