Laid To Rest

Today John’s remains were laid to rest alongside his big brother Michael. It was one of the few sunny days that we have had in quite some time so it was a perfect day to bury his ashes and say a final goodbye to what is left of his physical being. Mountain View Cemetery is just a few miles from where John was born and raised. There is a quiet peacefulness that can be found there, even though it is surrounded by the loud noises that come with living in Vancouver. I used to think there was a creepiness associated to burial sites, but then a few years back John and I decided to visit Michael's grave. It was on a whim and we thought it would be nice to bring the boys by for a visit. They were old enough now and John felt it was time to talk to them a little bit more about the brother he wished he grew up knowing. It had been a long time since John had been to the cemetery so as we walked around looking for Michael's plot, I remember reading the headstones and thinking about the lives of the people buried there. I thought about how they were mothers, or fathers; sisters or brothers; sons or daughters. I thought about the people who they left behind and how this was a place for them to come and feel a sense of peace. Suddenly I no longer saw the creepiness in my surroundings, but rather the beauty in it. John is buried under a large fir tree, it reminds me of the one that used to shade our front yard before a terrible wind storm cracked the trunk and we had to have it taken down. I know that John's spirit lives in the love that we carry for him in our hearts, but it is nice to have a place, under a familiar tree, to sit and be with him on days where we need to have something tangible to grasp onto.  

This poem was sent to me by one of John's aunts shortly after he passed away. I read it often because the words resonate with me, it is what I think John would say, although maybe not so eloquently ;) 

Death is Nothing At All   - by Harry Scott-Holland

Death is nothing at all, 
it does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life we lived together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!


If you would like to visit John's memorial site please send me a message and I will give you more specific instructions as to where he is.

Sports

When the Cubs beat the Indians the other night in Game 7 of the World Series, the boys and I were watching as I cheered loudly and clapped with excitement through every dramatic play; of course the boys thought I was nuts and that I was louder then I should have been, considering that I am not really a baseball fan to begin with.  But, regardless of the logistics in that, I am one to appreciate the true competitive nature of all sports and I love seeing it play out. John and I had that in common for sure, even though he wasn't one to sit in front of the TV every weekend and watch sports all day, he did love the stories of the athletes in sports and the hard work and dedication that they put into it. John enjoyed reading about athletes, whether they were famous or not, because he loved to get a sense of what drove them to be the best.  John was definitely one of those athletes early on in life who looked for ways to be better then his opponents. But, as he got older, John began to just look for ways to be the best version of himself. I know John hopes that the boys will eventually being to understand this about themselves, especially since they are all true competitors in their own right. He was a very supoortive father and enjoyed watching the boys take on new challenges and set goals for themselves. He is definitely smiling down on them now as each of them navigate through their own journey in sports.

Since September, Jack decided to join the Cross Country team instead of playing football so that he could keep his conditioning up and be ready for the upcoming basketball season. Much to his surprise, Jack found that he is a good runner like his dad and has done well in his races. This weekend he is one of nine boys who will be representing Vancouver College in the Provincial Finals.

After some debate at the end of the summer, Hunter decided to stick it out and play JV football this year, even though he knew that as a grade 9 he would have limited time on the field. But, after dealing with a concussion early on in the season, Hunter has worked his way onto the starting defense and played a great game against Notre Dame yesterday. He has also spent a lot of additional time in the gym working on his basketball skills.

Cole continues to play for Drive Basketball and has already competed in two tournaments, with another one coming up in the next week.  He is rivaling his big brothers as the top shooter in the bunch with a record 10 3-pointers in a single game!

It has been two months since John's passing and it has been hard not to think of all the things that he has already missed out on sharing with us. But, there is not a day that goes by where he is not spoken of, or remembered in some way, through all the lessons, advice, stories, and antics that he was so lovingly and annoyingly know for in our house. There is both a comfort and a sadness in the familiarity of our daily routines and some days it seems like he just left early for work, or is busy coaching and can't get home until later in the evening.  In the meantime our love and memories of him keep him alive in our hearts and minds. When there is laughter and joy in the house it is a new kind of happiness that can never be the same as it was, but nevertheless it is a reminder that John wanted our happiness to continue, even without him. Life moves on even though some days it is hard to believe that is does. Time is a funny thing, it goes by so quickly in some instances, but is painfully slow in others. As the days become weeks and the weeks become months, I am certain John is with us, every step of the way.

Mariners Game in Seattle 2009